How To Not Suck

20Aug08

Do you know anyone who just.. sucks? Once you suck, there is no going back. You suck forever and everyone who knows you or about you knows that you suck. Sucking is like being a race, or a religion. It sticks with you for your entire life and there is no way to get rid of it. There are just too many people (mainly Freshmen) who start off on the wrong foot and start to suck. Here are some ways to grab a squeaky clean reputation and keep it that way:

1) Don’t get too drunk. A sure fire way to start sucking is to be “that girl” at every single party. Puking is so disgusting and even if you haven’t eaten for a couple of days in order to fit in to that formal dress, don’t be “that girl.” Know your limits and know when to stop.source

2) Don’t smoke/do drugs. If you are a senior I may give you some leeway on this one because when you are older you realize that nobody really cares what you do and even if they did they would never say anything because you are a senior and they are not. If you are a freshman, stay away from the hard drugs and the cigarettes. Nothing says, “I’m trying really really hard” like smoking. Also, a sure fire way to attract negative attention, start asking people for drugs. Drugs are bad, mmkkay?

3) Don’t sleep with that senior boy! If you are thinking to yourself, “he is so nice to me… we are so in love.” No you are not in love. The only reason why that senior hottie is giving you attention is so he can get you up to his bunked queen mattress to do the no pants dance. You think that after you give it up he is going to call you again? The answer is no. The only thing you are going to get is really jealous when you see him scamming on your sorority sister two days later.

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4) Don’t dive too deeply into one frat. In other words, you are allowed to hook up guys, just make sure they are not all in the same frat. Make sure to spread yourself across the fraternities, do not spread yourself within just one. Not that I’m advocating “spreading,” I’m just saying, try to meet guys in all of the fraternities, not just a bunch of guys in one particular chapter.

5) Being the girl on the phone. I know that things are uncomfortable at first because you go to a parties and don’t know people. Get off of the freakin’ phone. Nothing else screams, “wow that girl sucks” more than being on the phone the entire time texting your boyfriend who is living it up across the country.source

6) Boyfriend stealing. This is a sure fire way to suck big time. In fact, girls in sororities become soooooooo posessive over their men, past, present, and future, that it’s hard to avoid this one. It’s hard to know which guys are attached to which girls when you are first starting out. This is why I would recommend hooking up with fellow freshmen until you know which situations you can mess with and which one’s you can not. Sometimes this one takes some trial and error.

7) Stand up to the big girls. There are times when I may or may not want to punch a freshman in the face for not showing respect to the older girls. Although we may act like we love you and that you are so so special, at the end of the day we want you to look up to us as we looked up to the seniors when we were freshmen. Never think that you are better than/ can compete with a senior because us seniors simply have more access and more resources than you do. You may not think that older girl is dangerous but in Greek land, these girls can get craaazzyyyy….

Wipe that face off your head…

8 ) Not going to any events. There is nothing worse than a super cool member who just doesn’t take advantage of the greek system. Not only will you fall out of the loop but you may never get back in. As soon as you get your bid take advantage to all of the activities to the fullest extent. This will pay off in a couple of weeks when you go to parties and will know everyone there.

9) No Stage 5 Clingers. Freshmen year was particularly hard for me because I was never used to the love ’em and leave ’em game that many men will play in college. This is just apart of growing up and pretty soon you will get so used to it that you will become the one doing the loving and the leaving. Do not get the reputation as a crazy cligy girl. You are beautiful and desirable, and if one guy doesn’t see that… NEXT! It’s so easy to get men in college it’s like fishing with freakin’ dynamite. It’s not even fair.

Oh Jeremy… I always wanted my first time to be on the beach…

10) Get out of shape. I can’t tell you how many girls put on not only the freshman 15 but the freshman 30 or 40. I know you are thinking, “oh that will never happen to me.” I assure you I have have seen even the most beautiful women blow up into balloons. Watch what you eat and exercise every day. The 15 sneaks up on you with those dining hall cheeseburgers and french fries. Keep an eye on the scale…

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